Good morning, dear reader. My name is Chris, and I am a people pleaser. Chances are, I haven’t met you, and I already have a deep-rooted desire for you to like me because of these words.
And that is a problem.
It’s not only my problem that I deal with daily; it’s a societal problem for one crucial reason: the loud shouts of rights and freedoms are out of balance because there is a group of people who care deeply about many things, but they are afraid to be mocked, misunderstood, and hated for what they believe.
But before I say anything else that might violate my desire to please you, I have a confession to make.
After five years and almost 550 episodes, I got my first anonymous 1-star rating on my podcast. I tried to tell myself that it didn’t matter. I medicated myself by looking at other podcasts and marveling that my rating was higher. I told myself (and others) that it was okay.
It wasn’t okay. I was really pissed off. My anger didn’t stem from the fact that someone clicked 1-star or provided me with no contextual feedback. Instead, I went down the rabbit trail of finding any possible excuse: was it something I said? A guest that didn’t fit the mold? Too existential and spiritual? Not “career-oriented” enough?
My rage started to rise underneath the surface because the anonymous rater was correct. And I didn’t want to admit it. I deserved a 1-star rating for no other reason than to shake me up.
I’m remembering something about Jesus and spitting out lukewarm food. It’s not hot, it’s not cold, but blah. I’m paraphrasing, but essentially, I fear making people unhappy. But more importantly, I don’t want to be mocked, misunderstood, and hated.
And so I hold back.
Not at an inauthentic level, but just enough that someone noticed. And decided to let me know.
Thank you.