For some reason, I haven’t been able to get my head in the game today. I feel distracted, creatively blocked, and a little down. I have been able to get a few things accomplished, but I’m not as productive today as I would I like to be.
My first tendency is to criticize myself: “What’s the matter with you Chris? You need to produce! Get your head in the game, let go of your emotions, just do the work. Work, work…WORK! GO!” That doesn’t really help though. It doesn’t address the root issue. In fact, it’s level of silliness and lunacy makes me laugh. Oh, the things that I tell myself.
I then flirt with a whole slew of thoughts, mostly related to procrastination, escapism, gluttony, and caffeine addiction. I watch random things on YouTube, I think about taking a walk, I stare in the fridge only to remind myself that I’m actually not hungry, and then I refill the coffee cup. I stare at the blank screen, I blink hypnotically in rhythm with the cursor, I take a sideways glance at the to-do list. Then the clock.
I peck away at the keyboard. Write. Type. Erase. Write. Type. Chuckle to myself at how funny I am. Write. Type. Erase. Look in the coffee cup. Get up for a refill.
Okay, I’m back.
I read what I’ve written. Not bad, not great, just okay. I realize that’s how I feel today: just okay.
Not every day is meant to be euphoric or catastrophic. I suppose I should count my blessings that I am just okay. Life could be worse. On the other hand, it could be better. But I’m okay with okay. Okay?