I sat across from the table and thought about an answer to his question, “what can I do differently in the future?” After a moment of reflection, it was simple, “damn it, fight. Fight for me, fight for my time.”
While this was an actual conversation with a living, breathing human being, it was also a conversation I had with myself this morning.
I started thinking about the ways that I don’t fight for the things that matter to me.
Stop sabotaging yourself Chris.
Keep writing, taking photos, making documentary films. These things are good. There is value to your creative expression. Don’t lose heart, protect it.
One of the greatest joys in my life is spending time with friends and hearing about their lives. The successes, the joys, the failures, the hurts. This morning, I spent a few hours with a friend at a coffee shop in the mall. At one point we ended up talking about the fears in our lives and I came to the realization that while I used to think that I fear both failure and success, I really feared being exposed for being a fake, a phony, someone hiding behind the mask of “having it all together.”
Perhaps the desire to break free of the fear of exposure and to fight for the joys buried in my heart is why I have an increased interest in expressing the fruit of my introspection, reflection, honesty and transparency.
All I know is that to fight through the fear means that the fear needs to be identified, named, labeled, and looked at with the eyes of someone that knows what they want.
Damn it, fight.
It is good.